Be thankful for your life! (Story time)

One thing that I came to realise the hard way is that life is not easy. I am going to tell you a story of a younger me and I hope you will learn something from it:

Everything started from when I was 13 years old and I was a fat child with an awful taste of clothing. Anyway, the fact that I loved school and that I loved reading a lot of books made other children bully me. At first, I was just ignoring them, but after a while, their jockes started to be a lot more harsh.

So what did I do? The biggest mistake of my life

I've tried to change for them, so that I could be accepted in their group. The first thing that I did, and I am not proud of it, is to start smocking because they were all doing it and they convinced me to try it. Since I was just starting to feel accepted I said YES without esitating.

Summer came and we were seeing each other everyday. We would buy cigarettes and something to drink and hide beneath an old building.

In that summer I fall in love with a cute, blonde girl. She was a friend of a friend and when I saw her, my mind exploded. I told one of my friends that I like her a lot and asked him to help me be with her. I was like 14 years old when this happened. I was still kinda fat and ugly compared to my friends, so I was pretty scared to tell her how I feel.

One day I told my boy friends that we should buy a rose for every girl in our group, so that I can offer C (let's call her like that) a flower without feeling too ashamed. So we offered them the flowers and I was feeling amazing because she thanked me and hugged me.

Later that summer I told her how I feel about her, but she didn't said anything. I just assumed that she does too, but she is just ashamed to say it.

A week later I wrote her a song and I recorded it so that I could send it to her on Yahoo Messenger (oldy but goldy). She said that we need to talk. Of course, I believed that she finally wants to tell me that she loves me too.

Two days later, when we met, she said to me:
"Alex, f***ing leave me alone already"

You can only imagine the way that my heart shattered in a million pieces. I just ran away, went home and cried for at least 2 hours. When I was done crying I was hating myself for being fat and ugly and small (I was like 1,45 or sth).

I have thought about suicide before, but never on that level. I opened the window (9th floor) and just sat there, with my legs in the air and my eyes looking down to death... I almost did it, but I had the courage to stop and get back inside the house and start crying even harder.

That is the moment when I realised that I was a lot more than a fat, ugly boy. I was an intelligent, loving, caring person who once loved to read, to drink a lot of tea, to spend the weekend in the house, readin Harry Potter... and that is the moment I said "I must be me again, the real me, not the version I created to impress others".

My life changed a lot after that episode, I started studying very hars for my exam so that I could go to the best high school and be with people that understand my love for reading, writing and learning.

It was hard, but in a short amount of time, I gave up on the people that influenced my life in a bad way. I stopped any interaction with them. I needed to heal myself from the darkness they've given to my soul.

I got to high school and things seemed to be better, until I found some other nasty people. So, at 17 years old I took the decision to move to another class. That was the best decision I've made, it helped me a lot, along with my girlfriend that loved me (and still does) unconditionally. 

The thing I've learned from this episode of my life, is that I don't have to change for anyone in the world. The problem was not with me, but with them. We tend to look for approval from others, when, in fact, we just need to love the things we do, without trying to impress anyone.

Life is hard. That's a true statement, but how we decide to treat ourselves will change everything. 

Put yourselves on the first place. No one should be more important than what you love.

There is this thing that I always tell myself: "Do what you love and love what you do.". It helps me remember the fact that I, once, tried to change for others, tried to destroy my personality just to be accepted in the "popular" group. The fact is that I could've just befriend other people like me, because there were some in my school, but I wanted the popular ones to accept me.

Please, don't you ever destroy your personality or your values to be accepted by who seems to be the "important" ones!

And remember that no matter if you are skinny or fat, tall or small, ugly or beautiful, the most important thing is to be HUMAN.

I mean, the most important difference between us and animals is that we have a ration and we should use our brains to help improve one another and not to bully others.

I believe in Karma, and I am sure that everyone gets what they deserve. So if someone is bullying you, don't give them the satisfaction of seeing your sufferings. Who are them anyways? To let them destroy your life and your values.

Don't change for anyone!
And always be thankful about your life and live it to the fullest, because it's not eternal.

Love with all your heart!

Suffer!

Smile!

Cry!

And that's it... Thank you for having the patience to read this article. I would love to know what you believe and if it helped you in a way or another.

Thank you, have an amazing life!